The GAP
"The gap can be a micro-second. It can be a minute. It can be a day, no matter what, it's the game changer."
In minor sports if you get a coaching certification, they’ll tell you this is how the gap works... You gave one kid on your team just a little less time on the field, but their parents are losing their minds of course, because their kid is going going pro. And somehow you’re not highlighting their child in the right way, there’s some level of injustice or something else. So they’re ready to meet you on the side of the field or by your car or halfway down the hallway. And are they in their rational brain at this point? No.
In Canada we say, they have the mother bear syndrome, so something is going to die and it’s not their kid. It’s most likely you. So they’re approaching you, they have buggy eyes, a red face and a boyfriend out in the parking lot. The boyfriend is thinking out loud “I haven’t punched anyone in a long time, Is this my opportunity to show my strength?” She goes, yeah, maybe if he disrespects me, you come in and finish off the deal. So you’re a volunteer in a community sport. This is what they teach you in coaching.
One-on-one they say she’s approaching you and she’s coming in hot. Uh, they don’t use switchback language. She’s full of Xs and it probably has nothing to do with you. What you have to do is you have to establish the gap. The gap goes like this. You say: “This sounds really, really important. I’ve got your email and your cell phone number. Can I call you tomorrow morning?” Or “When’s a good time tomorrow for me to touch base, because I want to build a talk this thing through in more detail.” She goes, “ah...” throw them off. Right? Cause they’re ready to go right now. Let’s drop the gloves and go. So they go “ah... um... yeah... tomorrow morning is fine.” Then you say “Great. Nine o’clock?” They agree “Yes.” Finished... And then you have to turn around and walk away. Otherwise they’ll continue to try to get engage. Isn’t that awesome coaching?
So without the gap, what happens is she says, “I got a real problem because my little Johnny didn’t get XYZ” and you reply “well, your little Johnny is just one of 15 little Johnny’s. And from my perspective, Udall, Johnny was”, did I say, “are you saying that I’m not a good parent???” You reply, “no, I didn’t say you’re not a good parent.” She fires back “Do you know that I have a boyfriend in the back and in the parking lot that hasn’t punched anyone for a week?” You nervously say “Err umm I was not aware of that.” Oh, here he comes and like all of a sudden going hold a second. I’m just a volunteer there with level one, coaching and community sports. And this thing is getting out of control, happens that fast. That’s the gap.
How do you plan using the GAP when things start heating up?
